|
profile
the girl next door  Fathiirah! ;DD I don't bite________YET! MUAHAHAH!^^ |
tagboard
scream out loud archives
gone with the wind October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 |
affiliates
you're on your way
your links go here, Meimei&Korkor; Iftikhaar&Hanis♥♥ Babybaby Twinneh!; Anne♥♥ BabyBoo<3; aaaaaalysha!♥♥ GorgeousOne; Anne!^^♥♥ KateqKateq!; Nana♥ Tall Friend!; MICHELLE Lovely Junior<3; WeiQi♥ CuzzyFuzzy; Kak Mali^^♥♥ Baobei Jie; Kak Yani♥♥ Twinn`nehh~; Khuherra!♥♥ Miss Im-soo-tall!; [J]olyn! Cute, cute girl; Pei Shan Ammm`maaa`zingg dudette; Tricia♥♥ Dedicated Man:P; Bryan Worst Nightmare-.-; LysianChorale Wise Adviser; TingTing♥♥ Mad Woman^^; VANESSA!♥ Hyper Bitch!; SHELLY^^♥♥ HARDCORE GALA-.-; KIA`HWEE^^♥♥ Scary Woman; Yixuan 2ND HOMEE^^♥♥ One&Only; NAA`DEE`YAA!^^♥♥ Xiu Hui♥ FriendFriend!; Shirley HappyGoLucky; Gracee!^^ Smexy Mama~; Chantel♥♥ Smarty`smart!; Natalie drumrolls
take a bow Designer Colours / Headers Icon |
Low Self Confidence
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Every little thing someone says i'll take it directly to heart. Oooh yes i will.Everything i do, i will have no confidence of myself. Name it; from playing the drums, to singing in Choir, to playing in sports to even doing my freaggin homework!
I can't reeeally trace bac where all this come from. Maybe it was a bad habit i adapted when i was young? I'm not try`na blaming my parents for not taking care of me.
But, seeeriously. When did all this started? Well, one and only reason that comes screaming and popping up in my head is; during primary school.
During P5-6, i got a taste of hell. Peepos teased me, they teased and teased.
I used to ignore all their unnecessary comments, but one day. The string that held me tight just snapped and dropped in to whirlpool of miserable and low-confidence vibes.
And as soon as i entered Sec1, wowwwww. It had gotten reeeally outta hand, i got reeeally depressed.
I started inflicting pain to myself 'physically' while those assholes destroy me 'emotionally'. I started looking down on myself, and if i had a crush on someone.
My mind will keep telling me, "C`mon, he's never gonna fall for a huge, ugly ogre like you. NO GUYS WILL. Wake up and smell the dead roses you fat ass!"
And whenever i fall for any guys, this will keep popping up on my head, like a post-it note. Even though peepos say i've loose weight and that i'm slimmer now.
I still don't think so. I still think i'm fat, fat, fat. Done. I AM FAT.
One time, i messaged Baobei mei bout the thingy that's bothering me. And she got me seeeriously shocked.
"EUR NOT FAT OKAE. IS FREAKIN ILLUSION. FREAKIN MMRS THT HAUNTS EUU. CUZ OF PPL WHO TEASED YOU."
From then on, i realised. Wowwww. Oooh. She was right, all along. This was the answer to all this living nightmares after all.
I couldn't let go of the past. Why. ...
Because i had been laughed at, been the centre of 'entertainment' to all those bloody whoop-tee-fcukS. I can't possibly forget all those humiliating parts of my life easily.
Because i have been teased for about 3-5 years? The most painful and worst part of my life. Being teased for 2 years still affects me as tho i've been teased for the whole century of my life. You 'good fo nothin piece of crapS' can't reewind time and undo all the hurtful things you've inflicted on me.
Labels: Bloody Assholes, Low confidence